What Happened to the Panties? and Memory Lane, Part I

I know what you’re thinking.

Eaglechick, last week you went on and on about the power of the panties. Well, if the panties are so powerful, then how did they fail? Why did the Eagles lose last weekend? Horribly? Embarrassingly? Breaking records in stinkyness? To the laughable Giants, of all teams? How could it have happened?

Were the panties lost in the sock-sucking vacuum of your drier? Did the chicklet reach into the panty drawer without you noticing, and hide them beneath his Donovan McNabb jersey? Did you, somehow, forget to put them on for this critical NFC east showdown?

These are very good questions, Outlaws, questions that deserve a thorough and well thought-out answer.

First of all, I’d like to assure you that the panties were freshly laundered, still warm from the dryer and smelling of “Summer Fresh” Bounce when I put them on in preparation for the big game. I also wore my green socks, my “Eagles Football” muscle shirt (a gift from my parents for Mr. EC that I have appropriated), my long sleeved hunter Eagles T, and my number 20 midnight green Brian Dawkins jersey (it was cold last weekend). In case you’re having bare-legged EC fantasies, I also wore black yoga pants. Remember, the game started at 2 am here in Central-European Daylight Time, and the yoga pants allowed a seamless transition from bed to football fan mode.

All right, so we’re clear that I did NOT forget about the panties. But I guess I have to tell you. There’s something Eaglechick hasn’t let on here in this blog. An important lesson that she learned herself when she was just a chicklette still in high school. You want to know the secret? Panties can only do so much. In fact, if you must know, I've been doing the panty thing for a few years now, and while the Eagles have won quite a few games in that time, they're not quite at a 100% victory rate. Yet.

Personally, I think part of the problem here was the internet connection. You know, it’s very hard to send your strongest positive 12th man (panty-driven) energy when you can’t watch the game, even with a slight delay. All right, hearing the radio announcers in the second half did improve things—and look, the Birds almost came back in the 4th quarter, remember? If it weren’t for McNabb taking an itsy bitsy step over the line of scrimmage before tossing the TD to Reggie Brown (which would’ve saved an important fantasy matchup for me as well as possibly meaning a comeback victory for the Birds), then… but I digress.

I couldn’t watch the game. I went to my usual trusty internet streaming source, and downloaded the first Sopcast link. Buffering… Buffering… Buffering… It buffered quite well, up to about 55%, and then nada. 2nd link: “This channel is not in service.” 3rd and Final Link (starting to sweat): Buffering… moving quickly through 50-60-70-80-90-95-96-97-98-99-100% hooray!!! I hear football!

But wait, was that Troy Aikman announcing, and did he say “Marc Bulger?” Is that Terrell Owens and the Cowboys on the field? What is going on here? I already saw the highlights from this game before I went to bed.

Yes, Outlaws, you’re correct. I was connected to the Dallas Cowboys Football Network, and needless to say, they were not showing the Sunday night Eagles-Giants contest. Sigh. As some of you know, I spent the first half trying fruitlessly to connect to channels one and two, to download a new streaming player (TV Ants—everything is Chinese; I don’t recommend it), watching nfl.com gameday, and reading Coachnorm’s stunning internet play-by-play in the SO chatbox (thanks again, Coach, you’re the greatest !). At half-time, I picked up the trusty nfl fieldpass (only $9.95 per month) and listened to the Philly radio commentary.

The whole thing got me reminiscing about my experience of watching football as an ex-pat fan, and I thought I’d take a spin down memory lane for you all. But not right now. In fact, this blog entry is quite long enough as it is. If you’re interested in my sentimental journey, you’ll just have to tune in for part II.

And the panties? Well, they’re in the wash as we speak. They may not have worked last week, and I’ll leave them in the drawer for the bye, but I won’t give them up. I don’t care if we go 1-15, the panties will stay on. And that’s just the way it is.